Chowdah Chatter

Too Long To Tweet: Our one and only "home" game

2010-12-02T19:43:00.000-08:00

I live in an affluent county, and yet it only has one ice rink with one ice surface. This means that the overwhelming majority of county conference high school games are played at a large facility in another county, where the only fans are parents and such. But today was special. Sure, we lost 6-2, but we got to play our one game this season that's at the rink across the street from my school. The stands were packed with fans of both teams, but mostly ours. Of course, this being a high school athletic event involving mostly boys, the shit soon hit the fan.

First off, we didn't have our starting goalie. In our season opener, he managed to rack up 25 PIMs and a 3-game suspension, all on one play with under 2 minutes left. For this game (and presumably the next two) our coach decided to put the biggest skater in goalie pads and hope for the best. The first thing I noticed was that the game had a much faster pace than our first game. Nonetheless, the team played well (even the fill-in goalie) and the game was tied 2-2 after 2.
The third period was when things got out of hand. A go-ahead shorthanded breakaway early in the period and three more goals against after that were our undoing. But there's not really anything unusual about a school team with me on it losing (0-22 now, WHOO!!) The story was all the penalties, and the fan reaction. The game got really chippy, and as the period wound down, there seemed to always be 2 or 3 of our players (including one who'd gotten a 10min misconduct) in the sin bin. But here's the kicker- our coach got ejected with 3:33 left, so our suspended goalie came down from the stands to coach with the crowd chanting his name. It was awesome.
The two things I took away from the game were 1) that hockey kicks ass, and 2) that there's nothing more amazing than playing in front of a passionate home crowd.

Road to 0-161, Conclusion

2010-07-03T19:28:00.000-07:00

It was the last game of a Red Sox season filled with turmoil, freak injuries, and demoralizing losses. (Seriously, who knew you could lose .5 to 0, pi to 3, 0 to -1, or, my personal favorite, 4 to i? In fact, the one bright spot so far was Boston winning the Nobel Prize for discovering how to score an imaginary number of runs!) The 0-161 Sox were hosting the 161-0 Yankees. Under Brett Favre's tutelage, Jonathan Papelbon had retired and unretired many times. John Lackey never pitched all year, and demanded a trade. Daisuke Matsuzaka found out about, and subsequently joined, the class-action suit, and the Sox organization owed him a lot of money after he lost every game that season 1-0. The sellout streak was long gone, and Fenway was empty and desolate for this early October Sunday matinee. The further indignity of a winless season was staring Boston in the face.

But something amazing happened. The Sox were leading the Yanks by some truly insurmountable run total, and it was only the 4th inning. After all that had happened, one might expect the Red Sox to blow that lead. They didn't. The Yankees had accepted that they weren't going to rally, yet they were willing to do anything to avoid a loss. With two outs in the 4th, the Yankees just seemed to give up. They put in some reliever who seemed not even to be trying. The Boston players were perplexed, but gladly took their walks, easy hits, and HBP's. However, the fun would quickly turn to a feeling of helplessness as New York's intentions became as clear as the sky soon wouldn't be. The Red Sox were pouring it on, and so too would the gathering storm clouds.

The game was still half an inning away from being official. All the Sox wanted to do was get to the middle of the 5th, and by now everyone had realized the Yankees weren't going to let that happen. The Red Sox tried to make the last out of the 4th, but New York wouldn't throw strikes or even attempt to throw out the Sox runners who weren't even running. To the Yankees, an undefeated season was far more important than the integrity of baseball. The rain came, and the game was called. Even if it hadn't, the Sox probably would have just conceded to stop that travesty of a game from going any further.

The Yankees went on to beat Milwaukee in the World Series. Or at least, that's what the history books'll want you to think. Bud Selig canceled the postseason and declared New York champs, as well as giving the Brewers the pennant as a thanks for building a statue of him outside Miller Park. And with that the 2010 MLB season concluded. There's no happy ending. The bad guys won, and the good guys lost.

Road to 0-161 Part 3: Finnished (@MIN)

2010-07-03T18:08:00.000-07:00

{I've had this written for a while, but I've been busy with school and procrastination. Having been on summer break for a few days, I guess July 4th weekend is as good a time as ever to finish typing my Sox season preview. Since I'm sure not everyone has a schedule handy, this installment takes place April 15}

Our story resumes with the Red Sox in Minneapolis. Having lost their first six games, they desperately needed to beat the Twins at brand new Target Field. As the title suggests, this didn't happen.

In the first game, Josh Beckett bounces back from his bad start against the Yankees, but gets the loss when he gives up a walk-off homer to Joe Mauer (a la Ryan Zimmerman in the first game at Nats Park). Next game, Dice-K gives up just one run in 6.2 innings, but gets tagged with another 1-0 loss. In the third game, Jon Lester gets off to a strong start. However, he gets injured and tries to tough it out, but ultimately gives up 8 runs in 5+ innings. By the end of the game, most of the starters and coaches are sitting in the dugout when Joe Mauer walks over.

Target Field Announcer: [heavy Minnesota accent] That's it folks! Final score- Boston 5, your Minnesota Twins 16!
Dustin Pedroia: If you want a postgame handshake to maintain your polite Minneso-o-otan image, don't bother. Just go away.
David Ortiz: Dustin, stop acting like you know anything about Minnesotans {remember, Papi used to be a Twin}. Or for that matter, politeness.
Mauer: [ignoring them] Yo, Adrian!
Adrian Peterson: 'Sup, Joe?
Dusty: Whaaa? How long has Adrian Peterson been sitting behind our dugout? And that's Brett Favre!-
AP: [inturrupts, mocks Dustin's tone] And that's Al Jefferson! (the former Celtic, do ya'll know him?) And that's Kevin Love! And those are Niklas Backstrom {I swear, this is the last time SNG gets written about unless he does something notable besides having the same name as a star on my favorite team}, Mikko Koivu, and.... how the hell do you say your name?
AM: Antti Miettinen. It's not that hard to say.
AP: But it's hard to spell.
AM: How does that affect whether or not you can pronounce it?
AP: It shouldn't.
AM: Then why- oh, never mind.
Papi: Your name sounds like a drug! {No, I didn't make up this joke}
AM: I'm not a drug, I'm Finnish!
AP: Moving on, me and these other Minny stars (and Antti what's his name)
AM: Hey!
AP: Chill, I'm just messin' with ya. [continuing on] In all seriousness, we wanted to support Joe and the Twins in their nice new ballpark.
Mauer: Today was the best day for them to come because, well, let's just say none of them have games to play soon. At least the Vikes did well.
Favre: Throwing crushing, season-ending interceptions makes me feel like a kid out there! Should I come back for another season? I think I can! I know I can! Maybe...
Terry Francona: That's great, Brett.
AP: Hey Joe, can we come down into the dugout?
Mauer: Sure, guys!
Sox Players and Coaches: [loud sigh]
Mauer: [after everyone gets into visitors' dugout, talking to Sox] Ya know, it would be nice of you guys to introduce yourselves [cuts off as he notices an unfamiliar face] Nik, who's your friend?
SNG: Not friend, interpreter.
Mauer: But you speak great english!
SNG: I'm aware. He's-
SSS: [inturrupting and in a condescending tone] World-renowned Finnish-Japanese-English interpreter, Sami Saku Suzuki.
Koivu: My brother's name is Saku!
SNG: Too bad he wouldn't sign with us.
Koivu: I tried to get him to come here, but he didn't want to be a Wild.
Dusty: He didn't wanna be your teammate? [laughing] Your brother hates you, your brother hates you!
SSS: Yeah, well, yours is a Pedobear!
Dusty: Dude, uncalled for! [punches SSS in the face]

[awkward silence]

SNG: Eh, Triple-S had it coming. Egotistical assclown.

Francona: But WHY did you bring a trilingual interpreter to a baseball game?

SNG: Well, it doesn't really matter now that my interpreter's unconscious-

Dusty: And a douchebag!

SNG: But I couldn't help but notice that Dice-K hasn't gotten any run support this season-

Dusty: We're aware.

SNG: And as a fellow IFA, I think he deserves better. I just wanted him to think about something- Is our international free agents getting consistent offensive support?

Mauer: Are, not is.

SNG: That's what I thought, but didn't your former leader once-

Curt Schilling: DON'T INSULT GEORGE W. BUSH!

Francona: The conversation hadn't quite gotten there, Curt. CURT? What the hell are you doing here?

Schill: The front office asked me to unretire because we're 0-9, desperate, and can't stay off the DL.

Francona: That's...um, wonderful. You're in good company, Curt. Brett Favre's here.

Schill: Awesome, he's my unretirement idol!

Favre: Aw, shucks, I'm flattered.

Papi: [sees the Finns are confused] Oh, don't mind Schill. He's just a Republican.

Mauer: [to the hockey players] I can explain everything later.

Josh Beckett: [comes out of the clubhouse] THE FINNISH DUDE'S ON TO SOMETHING! WE WOULDN'T BE 0-9 IF WE'D WON THE WELL PITCHED GAMES!

SNG: That's not quite what I was trying to say...

Dusty: WHAT ABOUT THE GAMES WHERE WE SCORED A BUNCH OF RUNS BUT COULDN'T PITCH FOR OUR LIVES!

Papi: Stop! Infighting will get us nowhere! We're only 9 games in! There's plenty of time for the Sox to catch fire!

Mauer: DON'T SAY FIRE AROUND NIK! He still has nightmares.

SNG: That was supposed to stay between you and me, Joe.

[dispute escalates into a full-on brawl between hitters and pitchers]

Jonathan Papelbon: [entering the dugout to see what the commotion is] What's going on? [sees Favre] Brett?

Favre: They're fighting over whether the pitchers or position players are to blame for your bad start.

Paps: Oh. [pauses] So should I tell them or will you?

Favre: You.

Paps: Guys, stop fighting! [they miraculously stop] I have an announcement to make. As you know, this is my Hattiesburg buddy Brett Favre. He's my new career advisor.

Everyone: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!

Postscript

Ron Gardenhire: [walks over to Mauer] But Joe, there's one question that wasn't answered. Why did Nik want to talk to Dice-K, and why couldn't he use a team interpreter?

Mauer: [succinctly] First off, that was two questions. Secondly, there are a lot more questions than that. Thirdly, I don't think the Red Sox would want their big investment to know about Nik's plan.

Gardenhire: Plan?

Mauer: He's trying to get IFA's from teams with bad offenses to join him in a class-action lawsuit.

Gardenhire: WHAT?

Dusty: ARE YOU SAYING THE RED SOX CAN'T SCORE?

Papi: Give it a rest, caballito. We're gonna turn it around. I mean, it's not like we're gonna go winless. That would be ridiculous.

Mauer: I thought he was kidding when he said he was suing for offensive support. Now I don't know what to think.

Gardenhire: It's your hometown team; you'd know better than I.

NNICQotD March 1-12

2010-03-27T15:19:00.000-07:00

Yeah, it took me a while to get around to this post, I know. Here's the explanations of the Not Necessarily In Context Quote of the Day for the first two weeks of March.

Mon 3/1 "So we're making albino midgets?" "Yes."
We were doing a thing in science class that modeled dihybrid crosses with coin flips. The traits involved were dwarfism and albinism, so I asked the assistant teacher this question. (FYI, I know midget isn't really PC, but that's the word the worksheet used. Not my fault.)

Tues 3/2 "Plus, if a moose is carrying a gun, it's an illegal moose.
I have no idea what this means. There are a few boys in my history class who are class clowns. Somehow, I wound up mentioning that I'd eaten reindeer stew in Alaska, and one of the boys said something about eating moose even though it was illegal, and then added this.

Wed 3/3 "But you can't give a pop quiz, like, in the middle of class!"
This was said by a girl in my math class with about 15 minutes left in the period. Long story short, we knew there would be a quiz soon, but we didn't know when. Basically, some of the class was afraid that we were about to get it then, because the teacher can be intimidating sometimes. His quizzes are usually a lot longer than 15 min, mind you. (Except the unit circle quiz, which is what the pop quiz turned out to be a few days later. We only had 10 minutes to fill out a blank unit circle.)

Thurs 3/4 "The purple wildcat can probably self-pollinate."
This is also from Bio class. We were doing a practice problem about incomplete dominance involving red, purple, and blue wildcats. Someone had forgotten what the F2 generation was, so the assistant teacher said that it was when the F1 generation self pollinates or something to that degree. A student pointed out that wildcats were animals, not plants, and this was the teacher's joking response.

Fri 3/5 "If you say sin, I will smack you."
The abbreviation for sine is sin. Trying to be funny, a guy in my class pronounced it like it was spelled (as in a bad thing) instead of pronouncing it like sign. My teacher (who often makes jokingly empty threats to hurt/disfigure/kill us) didn't like this.

Wed 3/10 "Do we have to stab ourselves?"
We were doing a lab about blood types and one kid was wondering where the blood would come from. For the record, we used fake blood.

Thurs 3/11 "What an asshole. I hate Mozart."
Since chorus class is right after lunch, we're allowed to eat it in the chorus room. A senior who's played the piano for about a decade, was sitting at the piano and telling us some things about music theory. She told us that modern composers break some of the theory "rules" set forth by people like Mozart. I guess she doesn't like those rules.

Fri 3/12 "The pizza would have to own something the way you're using it."
We were writing sentences with homophones in English, and one set was its and it's. A student read a sentence about pizza that used the wrong one. Once the teacher realized, she said this.

Well, that sucked. I'll try to do better next time. If there is a next time...

I had an RBI!

2010-03-19T11:09:00.000-07:00

As the title suggests, I had an RBI yesterday. But perhaps it would be better if I started at the beginning-

My JV softball team was supposed to have scrimmages last Saturday and Tuesday. It rained a lot over the weekend, so the Saturday scrimmage got postponed a week and the Tuesday one got rescheduled for yesterday (Thursday). The schedules we were given had yesterday's game as an away game, but the online schedule said we were at home, which was what the coaches kept telling us.

So we get to the field and at around 3 are trying to set it up for a 3:30 game. We're having a problem putting in the game bases when Coach comes over and tells us that we're on the road and that the bus, which had left with the varsity players, was coming back to get us. I think what might have happened (but I don't know) was that the coaches thought that JV was at home and varsity was away, because most schools probably only have one softball field. However, they had two fields where we were going. A few minutes later, we were on a bus to a large Baltimore county school. But that's a pretty big county, and of course the game wasn't in the nearby part. It was in a part of the county all the way on the other side of the city. And after riding a bus for a couple hours (traffic was really bad), we got there. We did a quick warmup, and what was supposed to be a 4 o' clock game started at about 5:30.

I batted second and played third. (Not really relevant, but for some reason the bus driver, who was a Yankee fan, was one of the base coaches) The leadoff hitter took two balls and the home plate ump said it was a 3-1 count. No one protested, so I thought I'd gone crazy and missed the first two pitches. I got up to bat with a runner on first and struck out looking on two pitches because it hadn't yet registered that every batter was starting 1-1 because of the late start. After sucking defensively I came up to bat again with the bases loaded in the 2nd inning. I worked an RBI walk on 3 pitches, but I was left on base due to the 5 runs an inning rule. The game was called with 2 outs in the bottom of the 4th (I would've led off the 5th) because all games have to end at 6:30, even though there was plenty of daylight left. We'd lost 13-6. We got back on the bus and were driven home by the bus driver/base coach. The return trip took under an hour, but I wound up not getting to my house until after 8, and I was tired. Naturally, I still had dinner to eat and homework to do, and my dad was mad at me for him not knowing it was a road game (but that's another story).

Road to 0-161, Parts 1 and 2

2010-03-06T18:13:00.000-08:00

Road to 0-161 is basically a 4-part series where the '10 Red Sox do their best imitation of the '08 Detroit Lions. Why would a Sox fan write this kind of thing? I dunno. Maybe it teaches us to not take anything for granted or something sappy like that. Anyway, here's the first two parts, which involve Boston's first 6 games. And remember- this can't actually happen. Right?

Prologue

Boston had high expectations going into the 2010 season. Yes, Jason Bay had signed with the Mets and the core vets were a year older, but there were many reasons to be hopeful. Younger stars like Dustin Pedroia, Kevin Youkilis, Jonathan Papelbon, and Jon Lester were also a year older (and better). David Ortiz was hopefully going to have a huge bounce-back season after a slow-start in '09. And most of all, it had been 3 years since the Sox' last World Series win. Surely, they were due. (Oh, and I almost forgot- they signed John Lackey and some other guys)

Spring Training in sunny Fort Myers went well, except for the aforementioned Lackey getting hurt. He was expected to only miss a few weeks, barring setbacks. (Spoiler alert: there were setbacks. These are nightmare scenarios, after all. Okay, I admit it. I decided for him to be injured because I wrote some of this before he was signed and didn't want to add him to the series. Probably for the best.) The Red Sox believed that they could still be the best team, even without Lackey. On paper, this wasn't too far-fetched. But baseball ain't played on paper! It's played on a diamond. And not the type that are a girl's best friend. Unless, of course, she's a huge baseball fan... [end tangent] You mean like that trig thing? [I said end tangent, dammit!]

Part One: Home Opener (vs. NYY)

Jon Lester came oh-so-close to getting a win against the Yankees in the Red Sox' first actual game of 2010. (The Sox had won the previous day's exhibition in DC simply because crabchowdah was there!) Papelbon needed one more out to end a 5-3 victory, but (guess who!) A-Rod hit the eventual game-winning 3-run homer on an 0-2 count. Naturally, Boston's season went downhill from there. New York won the next game in a blowout after Josh Beckett got epically lit up. The day after that, Dice-K pitched 6 strong innings but was tagged with a 1-0 loss. (This score is important.) Luckily for the Red Sox, their next 3 games were against the lowly Royals. (There's no imaginary dialogue for this section. I apologize; blame writer's block and having more important things to do.)

Part Two: We're Not In Kansas (City) Anymore (@KC)

Clay Buchholz, Lester, and Tim Wakefield were given the starts against Kansas City. Boston lost all three games and Wake to an injury. Dustin takes a nap on the team plane to Minneapolis, and awakes to find... well, this:

[Dustin lying on ground; eyes closed. He hears Ortiz talking in a falsetto, Domincan voice]

Papi: Toto, where are you?

Dusty: [jolts completely awake; springs to feet, which he suddenly realizes he has 4 of] What the hell?

Papi: Oh, there you are!

Dusty: David, what's going on? And why are you dressed as girl?

Papi: Toto, you- you talk!

Dusty: Toto? Oh shit, I'm a dog aren't I? And lemme guess- you're Dorothy.

Papi: Yep!

Dusty: This is getting weird. [notices the crashed team plane and gets agitated] What happened to the rest of the team?!?

Papi: What team?

Dusty: This is serious! We need to find the others! [ed. note: To answer your question, no, this isn't a Lost parody. It's the Wizard of Oz.]

Papi: What others?

Dusty: You know- Paps, Youk, Tito, Beltre...

Papi: I don't know who those people are. Or are they some of your doggy friends?

Dusty: [starts to talk but cuts off] Never mind. So, how do we get home?

Papi: Well, the plane crushed the wicked witch of the West [points to a woman in an Angels jersey under the plane], but we must find and kill the witch of the East before the Wizard of lOZers will send us home.

Dusty: But where is home?

Papi: I was hoping you'd know.

Papelbon: [dressed as scarecrow, yelling from a distance] Can we come, too?

Dusty: Who the hell are you?

Paps: I'm scarecrow. This [gestures toward Youkilis] is Tin Man, and this [points to Sluggerrr] is the Cowardly Lion.

Sluggerrr: [quietly] Hi. I- I'm kinda scared of dogs.

Dusty: [barks and growls loudly]

Sluggerrr: Ahh! [runs screaming into Tin Man's arms]

Youk: I swear to God, if you don't get off me right now-

Papi: [to Dusty, who's been laughing the whole time] Toto! That wasn't nice! Apologize!

Dusty: Fine. I'm sorry, Sluggerrr- I mean, Cowardly Lion. [feels ashamed that he knows what the Royals' mascot is called and looks down in inward embarassment] Whoa! Where'd that come from? It's a road! Made out of- are those yellow bricks? We should follow it while singing and dancing!

Papi: That's a great idea, Toto!

Later...

Dusty: [panting] how much further?

Youk: I think I'm starting to rust from sweating!

Dusty: Wait. You can sweat [pauses] but you don't have a heart?

Youk: So? You have a heart but can't sweat! You're a dog!

Dusty: Touche. No really, how much further?

[an evil-looking woman in a Yankees jersey appears in front of them]

Woman: It doesn't matter! Your journey ends here!

Dusty: So you're the wicked witch of the East...

Woman: And I'll be the last thing you ever see!

Ghost of Witch of the West: No, I will! [evil cackling]

[fade to black]

Youk: Wake up! We're landing and you have to put your tray table and seat in the upright position or else we'll all die!

Dusty: So it was just a dream... Are we still 0-6?

Youk: Unfortunately. So, tell me about your dream.

Dusty: The damndest thing. It made no sense. Like it was written by some crazy 9th-grader with only a basic knowledge of the Wizard of Oz!

Youk: Oh...kay.

Dusty: You were Tin Man.

Youk: [proudly] Well, I am a heartless killah on a baseball field.

Dusty: Kansas City's lion mascot thing was the Cowardly Lion. And you [talking to Paps] were the scarecrow.

Paps: Ugh. Why does everyone think I'm so stupid?

Dusty: You say some dumb shit, man.

Paps: Yeah, but I'm just trying to be funny!

Dusty: Don't worry about it. I was Toto, for God's sakes! Papi was Dorothy!

[some laughter in the plane]

PA System: This is your pilot speaking. We're beginning our descent into Minneapolis-St. Paul International Airport, where the bathrooms have been wide-stanced Senator free since June 11, 2007.

Dusty: We're here. We're 0-6. But only 0-6! Let's be the first team to win at Target Field! Who's with me!?

[part 3 soon]

Source Recommendations for an English Assignment?

2010-01-31T19:38:00.000-08:00

First off, let me make it clear that I despise writing papers; it's my least favorite part of school. Especially when I only have a couple weeks to do them. But since I have to, can anyone help me find info for a research paper on the effect of technology on communication? The topic I hope to explore is how celebrity blogging affects public perception, but I'm having a hard time finding information on the topic. The paper's due in a week (2-8), so if I don't find sources soon I'll have to do a topic with easier-to-find resources. If you have any suggestions of links I should check out, please leave them in the comments, tweet me, or email me at crabchowdah@ymail.com. Thanks.

(PS- I'm still working on my Red Sox nightmare scenarios series, which will hopefully get written before the season starts :) I'm also attempting to write some parody songs)

And last but not least: we watched this video in Bio class last Thursday- enjoy the educational Australian (?) British (?) epicness.

It's Numbers! It's Hockey!

2010-01-16T13:13:00.000-08:00

Out of curiosity, I decided to look up the goal and assist leaders for each team, and then find how many players would lead that team in goals and assists. In order of league standing (stats and records are up through Friday's games)-

Chicago Blackhawks (47 GP, 32-11-4, 68 Pts)
Goals leader- Patrick Kane (19)
Assists leader- Duncan Keith, Kane (33 each)
Players with 19+ goals, 33+ assists: Kane, Alex Ovechkin (29-33-62), Henrik Sedin (20-44-64), and Nicklas Backstrom (19-35-54).

San Jose Sharks (48 GP, 30-10-8, 68 Pts)
Goals leader- Patrick Marleau (31)
Assists leader- Joe Thornton (49)
Players with 31+ goals, 49+ assists: None. Marleau and Thornton lead the NHL in those respective categories.

New Jersey Devils (45 GP, 32-12-1, 65 Pts)
Goals leader- Zach Parise (20)
Assists leader- Jamie Langenbrunner (28)
Players with 20+ goals, 28+ assists: Ovechkin and Sedin.

Washington Capitals (47 GP, 29-12-6, 64 Pts)
Goals leader- Ovechkin (29)
Assists leader- Mike Green (36)
Players with 29+ goals, 36+ assists: None.

Buffalo Sabres (45 GP, 29-11-5, 63 Pts)
Goals leader- Thomas Vanek (12)
Assists leader- Tim Connolly (27)
Players with 12+ goals, 27+ assists: A lot. Thornton (12-49-61), Sedin, Brad Richards (13-40-53), Martin St. Louis (12-40-52), Green (12-36-48), Backstrom, Ovechkin, Kane, Ryan Getzlaf (12-33-45), Mikko Koivu (13-31-44), Evgeni Malkin (13-30-43), Nathan Horton (16-29-45), Ryan Kesler (12-29-41), Corey Perry (18-28-46), Langenbrunner (13-28-31), Sidney Crosby (30-27-57), Parise (20-27-47), and Anze Kopitar (18-27-45).

Nashville Predators (48 GP, 29-16-3, 61 Pts)
Goals leader- Patric Hornqvist (19)
Assists leader- J.P. Dumont (22)
Players with 19+ goals, 22+ assists: Crosby, Ovechkin, Marian Gaborik (28-26-54), Dany Heatley (27-25-52), Ilya Kovalchuk (27-24-51), Steven Stamkos (25-22-47), Sedin, Parise, Backstrom, Kane, Rick Nash (19-23-42), Stephen Weiss (19-23-42), and Alexander Semin (19-22-41).

Pittsburgh Penguins (49 GP, 30-18-1, 61 Pts)
Goals leader- Crosby (30)
Assists leader- Malkin (30)
Players with 30+ goals, 30+ assists: None.

Phoenix Coyotes (48 GP, 27-16-5, 59 Pts)
Goals leader- Radim Vrbata (14)
Assists leader- Matthew Lombardi (21)
Players with 14+ goals, 21+ assists: Crosby, Ovechkin, Gaborik, Heatley, Kovalchuk, Stamkos, Jarome Iginla (21-21-42), Sedin, Parise, Backstrom, Kane, Nash, Weiss, Semin, Perry, Kopitar, Loui Eriksson (18-26-44), Rene Bourque (17-21-38), Horton, Maxim Afinogenov (16-24-40), Jeff Carter (16-22-38), Wojtek Wolski (15-24-39), Patrick Sharp (15-21-36), Antoine Vermette (14-22-36), and Jonathan Toews (14-22-36).

Colorado Avalanche (47 GP, 26-15-6, 58 Pts)
Goals leader- Milan Hejduk (15)
Assists leader- Paul Stastny (33)
Players with 15+ goals, 33+ assists: Sedin, Backstrom, Ovechkin, and Kane.

Calgary Flames (48 GP, 26-16-6, 58 Pts)
Goals leader- Iginla (21)
Assists leader- Iginla (21)
Players with 21+ goals, 21+ assists: Iginla, Crosby, Ovechkin, Gaborik, Heatley, Kovalchuk, and Stamkos.

Vancouver Canucks (47 GP, 27-18-2, 56 Pts)
Goals leader- Sedin (20)
Assists leader- Sedin (44)
Players with 20+ goals, 44+ assists: Sedin.

Los Angeles Kings (47 GP, 26-18-3, 55 Pts)
Goals leader- Kopitar (18)
Assists leader- Kopitar (27)
Players with 18+ goals, 27+ assists: Kopitar, Crosby, Ovechkin, Sedin, Parise, Backstrom, Kane, and Perry.

Detroit Red Wings (46 GP, 24-16-6, 54 Pts)
Goals leader- Tomas Holmstrom (15)
Assists leader- Pavel Datsyuk (23)
Players with 15+ goals, 23+ assists: Ovechkin, Crosby, Gaborik, Heatley, Kovalchuk, Sedin, Parise, Backstrom, Kane, Weiss, Nash, Perry, Kopitar, Eriksson, Horton, Afinogenov, and Wolski.

Boston Bruins (46 GP, 23-16-7, 53 Pts)
Goals leader- Marco Sturm (15)
Assists leader- Zdeno Chara (23)
Players with 15+ goals, 23+ assists: Ovechkin, Crosby, Gaborik, Heatley, Kovalchuk, Sedin, Parise, Backstrom, Kane, Nash, Weiss, Perry, Kopitar, Eriksson, Horton, Afinogenov, and Wolski.

New York Rangers (47 GP, 22-18-7, 51 Pts)
Goals leader- Gaborik (28)
Assists leader- Gaborik (26)
Players with 28+ goals, 26+ assists: Gaborik, Ovechkin, and Crosby.

Minnesota Wild (48 GP, 24-21-3, 51 Pts)
Goals leader- Andrew Brunette, Koivu (13 each)
Assists leader- Koivu (31)
Players with 13+ goals, 31+ assists: Koivu, Sedin, B. Richards, Backstrom, Ovechkin, and Kane.

Ottawa Senators (48 GP, 23-21-4, 50 Pts)
Goals leader- Milan Michalek (16)
Assists leader- Daniel Alfredsson (22)
Players with 16+ goals, 22+ assists: Crosby, Ovechkin, Gaborik, Heatley, Kovalchuk, Stamkos, Sedin, Parise, Backstrom, Kane, Nash, Weiss, Semin, Perry, Kopitar, Eriksson, Horton, Afinogenov, and Carter.

Montreal Canadiens (48 GP, 23-21-4, 50 Pts)
Goals leader- Michael Cammalleri (21)
Assists leader- Tomas Plekanec (36)
Players with 21+ goals, 36+ assists: None.

Philadelphia Flyers (46 GP, 23-20-3, 49 Pts)
Goals leader- Mike Richards (19)
Assists leader- Chris Pronger (26)
Players with 19+ goals, 26+ assists: Ovechkin, Crosby, Gaborik, Sedin, Parise, Backstrom, and Kane.

Dallas Stars (47 GP, 19-17-11, 49 Pts)
Goals leader- James Neal (19)
Assists leader- B. Richards (40)
Players with 19+ goals, 40+ assists: Sedin.

Anaheim Ducks (48 GP, 21-20-7, 49 Pts)
Goals leader- Bobby Ryan (20)
Assists leader- Getzlaf (33)
Players with 20+ goals, 33+ assists: Ovechkin and Sedin.

New York Islanders (47 GP, 20-19-8, 48 Pts)
Goals leader- Matt Moulson (17)
Assists leader- Kyle Okposo (21)
Players with 17+ goals, 21+ assists: Crosby, Ovechkin, Gaborik, Heatley, Kovalchuk, Stamkos, Iginla, Sedin, Parise, Backstrom, Kane, Nash, Weiss, Semin, Perry, Kopitar, Eriksson, and Bourque.

Atlanta Thrashers (46 GP, 20-19-7, 47 Pts)
Goals leader- Kovalchuk (27)
Assists leader- Tobias Enstrom (33)
Players with 27+ goals, 33+ assists: Ovechkin.

St. Louis Blues (46 GP, 20-19-7, 47 Pts)
Goals leader- Andy McDonald (14)
Assists leader- Brad Boyes (22)
Players with 14+ goals, 22+ assists: Ovechkin, Crosby, Gaborik, Stamkos, Heatley, Kovalchuk, Sedin, Parise, Backstrom, Kane, Nash, Weiss, Semin, Perry, Kopitar, Eriksson, Horton, Afinogenov, Carter, Wolski, Vermette, and Toews.

Tampa Bay Lightning (46 GP, 18-18-10, 46 Pts)
Goals leader- Stamkos (25)
Assists leader- St. Louis (40)
Players with 25+ goals, 40+ assists: None.

Florida Panthers (47 GP, 19-20-8, 46 Pts)
Goals leader- Weiss (19)
Assists leader- Horton (29)
Players with 19+ goals, 29+ assists: Ovechkin, Sedin, Backstrom, and Kane.

Columbus Blue Jackets (49 GP, 18-22-9, 45 Pts)
Goals leader- Nash (19)
Assists leader- Nash (23)
Players with 19+ goals, 23+ assists: Nash, Crosby, Ovechkin, Heatley, Kovalchuk, Gaborik, Sedin, Parise, Backstrom, Kane, and Weiss.

Toronto Maple Leafs (49 GP, 16-24-9, 41 Pts)
Goals leader- Niklas Hagman (16)
Assists leader- Tomas Kaberle (35)
Players with 16+ goals, 35+ assists: Sedin and Backstrom.

Edmonton Oilers (46 GP, 16-25-5, 37 Pts)
Goals leader- Dustin Penner (21)
Assists leader- Penner, Lubomir Visnovsky (20 each)
Players with 21+ goals, 20+ assists: Penner, Ovechkin, Crosby, Gaborik, Heatley, Kovalchuk, Stamkos, and Iginla.

Carolina Hurricanes (46 GP, 14-25-7, 35 Pts)
Goals leader- Ray Whitney (14)
Assists leader- Joni Pitkanen (20)
Players with 14+ goals, 20+ assists: Crosby, Ovechkin, Gaborik, Heatley, Kovalchuk, Stamkos, Penner, Sedin, Parise, Backstrom, Kane, Nash, Weiss, Semin, M. Richards, Perry, Kopitar, Eriksson, Bourque, Horton, Afinogenov, Carter, Wolski, Sharp, Vermette, and Toews.

# Of players who would lead that team in goals and assists (including players on that team):
0- SJ (2nd in NHL), WSH (4th), PIT (7th), MTL (18th), TB (25th)
1- VAN (11th), DAL (20th), ATL (23rd)
2- NJ (3rd), ANA (21st), TOR (28th)
3- NYR (15th)
4- CHI (1st), COL (9th), FLA (26th)
6- MIN (16th)
7- CGY (10th), PHI (19th)
8- LA (12th), EDM (29th)
11- CBJ (27th)
13- NSH (6th)
17- DET (13th), BOS (14th)
18- BUF (5th), NYI (22nd)
19- OTT (17th)
22- STL (24th)
25- PHX (8th)
26- CAR (30th)

So those are the stats, and there isn't much of a correlation between wins and number of players who would lead that team in Gs and As. Since I probably won't get around to an in-depth analysis, anyone who wants to is completely welcome to do so.

Chowdah's Definitions

2009-12-25T18:24:00.000-08:00

In the style of Joy of Sox and other blogs, I've decided to create a glossary of terms that may or may not be used in my writing. It will be updated when the need arises.

Aftermath- Spanish 1 Honors

Happy Feet- Felix Pie, because Felix is Latin for happy and Pie is Spanish for foot.

Minor League Axis of Evil- Scranton/Wilkes-Barre, because the Yankees' AAA team is the SWB Yanks and the Pens' AHL affiliate is the WBS Penguins.

RIITOT- It's not a Finnish word, it stands for Random Idea I'm Throwing Out There.

SNG (Sameish Name Guy)- Niklas Backstrom, the Wild's goalie, who coincidentally is Finnish. (Helpful link that no, I did not create)

Soxitals/Yankguins- All that is good/evil.

An SNG visual aid (which upon posting I realized was a bit cut off. Oh well.)

Oreo Magic

2009-12-25T17:04:00.000-08:00

I'm back! I was gonna post a baseball story I wrote back in (I think) 5th grade, but it was probably deleted years ago. (Hmmm.... 5th grade? Maybe I did care about sports before middle school...) [update 12/30: actually, it may have been 7th grade, but who gives a crap?] Anyway, a while back I wrote a parody of "Orioles Magic", an old O's anthem. As the title suggests, it's about Oreos.

Something magic happens

when you eat them up

You make the magic happen,

the magic of oreo cookies

When it's time for a snack

and you want oreos

There's a thundering roar from your tummy

to eat all you've got

And you never know

how many that you'll eat

When you eat one, you want more,

that's the magic of oreo cookies

Oreo Magic! Feel it happen!

O-R-E-O-S!

Magic! Magic! Magic! Magic!

Something magic happens

when you eat them up

You make the magic happen,

the magic of oreo cookies

When you tear open the pack

and you eat them up

Nothing could be more exciting,

nothing could be more fun!

There's a love affair

between you and oreos

There's a reason you eat oreos

It's 'cause you know what the magic means

Oreo Magic! Feel it happen (x4)

O-R-E-O-S!

Magic! (x4)

Oreo Magic! Feel it happen!

Magic! (x4)

Something magic happens...

Awesomeness

2009-10-26T16:14:00.000-07:00

Yesterday, I was at Sunday School and saw an awesome poster lying around. Ya see, I'm a student aide in the 3rd grade Hebrew class, which meets in what is a social studies classroom during the week. (Coincidentally, the high school where my Sunday School meets is my actual high school- so I go there 6 days a week). While aiding, I noticed a poster with some Capitals pictures on it. I'm pretty sure it was a project for a sociology class, and here's what it said:

(In big letters): OVECHKIN
Tribe: Emveepea
Clan: Eagle
Primary Food Source: Penguins
Housing: Verizon Center
Weapons: Slap Shot and Wrister
Colors: Red and Blue
Clothing: #8 Jersey

I have no idea what the requirements for the project were, but this deserves an A. For Awesome. And since I left a complementary sticky note with my name and grade- maybe, just maybe, I could get an interview (but probably not, especially since I don't personally know the person who made it, and she's not in my grade)

[Update 10/27: The project (for a class/unit about Native Americans) was to pick a real Indian and fill out the above categories. After doing that project, the student made a Caps-themed one because the teacher is a Penguins fan. The poster I saw lying on the shelf is a year or two old; the teacher kept it, and the girl who made it has since gone on to college.]

Random Idea I'm Throwing Out There: Ump Tourney

2009-10-26T15:51:00.000-07:00

Ironically, this was used on insidesocal.com last April. April! It's not from this postseason, but from APRIL! Then again, umps get villainized regardless of month.

Well, the MLB playoffs aren't going too well. And not just because my Red Sox got swept and the hated Yankees are in the World Series (and on that note, Go Phils!). There have been a lot of blown calls this postseason, and the issue has gotten a lot of media attention. Everyone knows (and has to accept) that umps are human and thus not perfect, but there do seem to have been a relatively high number of bad calls lately. With something as important as a championship on the line (as well as all the media coverage and scrutiny that comes along with the playoffs), Major League Baseball has taken action- they've changed the World Series umpiring crew to have umps with more experience.

This brings up an idea- what about having the best umps in the regular season call playoff games, the same way that the best teams make the postseason? Instant replay and strike zone technologies can be used to evaluate umps, so how 'bout sending the most consistent/accurate regular season umpires to the postseason crews? (Of course, it's not that simple, but the main idea sounds okay in theory) And it doesn't even have to stop there- the best umps during a particular round of the playoffs could go on to call the next round (except that 3-7 games is a way too small sample size for umps).

Do these ideas sound ridiculous? Or does this seem like it could be plausible after necessary minor (and major) details are worked out? And why am I asking questions on a blog that hardly anyone reads?

Fun With Google Translate, Part 1 of ?

2009-10-10T08:54:00.000-07:00

Today's edition of FWGT focuses on sports quotes, and what happens when they're translated to (I dunno, let's say German) and back a few times. (Quotes from BrainyQuote)

"We talked to the referees before the game; there's always new situations to adjust, for the refs and for us as well. Even on the ice, it's good for players to talk and interact with the referee." --Peter Bondra
Translated to German and back once- "We spoke with the referee before the game, there are always new situations to adapt to the referee and also for us. Also on the ice, it's good for players to talk and interact with the referee."

Okay, so that's pretty close to the original. Let's try another:

Always go to other people's funerals, otherwise they won't come to yours. --Yogi Berra
Translated to Finnish and back once- "Always go to other people's funerals, otherwise they will not come to you."
Twice- same translation

"A nickel ain't worth a dime anymore." --Yogi Berra
Icelandic and back once- "A nickel is not worth a dime anymore."

Wow. The translation is more grammatically correct than the original.

"We picked the Red Sox because they lose. If you root for something that loses for 86 years, you're a pretty good fan. You don't have to win everything to be a fan of something." --Jimmy Fallon
Greek and back once- "We chose the Red Sox because they lose. If you root for something lost for 86 years, you are very good fan. We need to win everything to be a fan of something."
Twice- "We chose the Red Sox because they lose. If you root for something lost for 86 years, will be very good fan. We can win everything to be a fan of something."

Well, that definitely changed the meaning of the last sentence.

And last: "You know, a lot of people say they didn't want to die until the Red Sox won the World Series. Well, there could be a lot of busy ambulances tomorrow." --Johnny "Benedict" Damon
Hindi and back once- "You know, a lot of people say they win the World Series until red sox did not want to die. Well, there could be a very busy ambulances tomorrow."
Twice- "You know, a lot of people say they win the World Series until the red sox did not want to die. Okay, there could be a very busy ambulances tomorrow."

Wait- I win the World Series until the Red Sox don't want to die? What?!?

"The Leval-Shelay Devices", Complete Version

2009-10-10T08:09:00.000-07:00

(When I originally posted this story, I didn't know how to add a "jump". So here's the story in its entirety, because splitting it up can make it kinda confusing to read.)

It was the dog days of early August in Turner Hills, and Devin Rayburn had just Zapped home from the pool. He was still dripping wet because he hadn’t had a chance to dry off and change out of his hydrodynamic SwimSkin. He would have preferred to stay at the pool with some of his few friends longer, but unfortunately, it was his week to sort the mail.

Devin was the younger of Julien and Thelma Rayburn’s two children. To afford to live in the affluent, picturesque village of Turner Hills, Devin’s parents had to work long hours. They cared deeply for their children’s well-being, but weren’t able to be home enough to prove it. To their children, they came off as unloving and paranoid. They only had time to worry about whether their kids stayed out of trouble and did their chores.

Devin could have stayed at the pool if not for his parents’ insistence that the mail be sorted as soon as it arrives, which is always at 3 pm. When Devin saw the time, he had to run to one of the Zap public transport stations and teleport home. If Devin’s family hadn’t been so torn apart, his sister, who was already at home, could have sorted the mail. However, she was never willing to help Devin, and he was never willing to help her.

Her name was Julienne. Named for her father Julien, she always tried to make Devin feel bad. She’d tell him that she got most of their parents’ limited attention and that he was an unwanted burden who was to blame for their family’s struggles. It goes without saying that Devin tried to avoid her at all costs. So between his parents’ paranoid requirement that the mail get looked at as soon as it beams in so really urgent items could be found and his sister’s hatred of him, he had to hurry home to get the mail.

As he ran in the door, Devin heard the clock strike three and the buzz of the mail beaming in. He saw the mail appear on the kitchen table as always, but something was different. There were four small white boxes among the mail on the table. Each had a label reading “Leval-Shelay Enterprises” and was addressed to a different member of the Rayburn household. After Devin sorted the mail, careful not to get it wet, and changed into regular clothes, he opened the box addressed to “Mr. Devin Rayburn.” In it was a small metallic device with a screen. On the back were the words “Leval-Shelay Enterprises” and a fancy LS logo. Devin pressed the on button and a message appeared on the screen that read, “Free to the people of Turner Hills.” He pressed the icon that read “proceed” (because most devices had touchscreens now) and the next screen read “Anything is possible.”

Devin thought nothing of this message because in the very modern village of Turner Hills, pretty much anything was possible. Maybe except for Devin’s life being normal. However, the phrase would turn out to have significance. On the screen now were two icons. One was contacts and the other was features. Under contacts was a list of everyone in Turner Hills. Some names were in blue while others were grey. He scrolled down to his family and saw that only his name was blue. He (correctly) assumed that the people whose names were in blue had activated their devices. He looked through the list, found a friend’s name in blue, and selected it. The screened flashed the word “connecting…” for a few seconds, and then Devin saw the face of his friend Nick.

Nick was one of the few people who wasn’t a jerk to Devin, and greeted him with an excited, “What’s up, Dev?”

Devin answered with “Nothin’ much. Except for these things that came in the mail!”

“Yeah, I was gonna ask you if you got one, but you called me before I could call you. I guess everyone got one.”

“That’s what I kinda thought. So Nick, what do you think Leval-Shelay means?”

“I’m not sure. It’s probably just peoples’ last names. I’m gonna see what this thing can do. Bye, Dev.”

“Bye, Nick.”

Devin held the device in his hand with a feeling that it was something truly special that would change his and others’ lives forever. He just didn’t know how.

Devin pressed the features icon and what popped up was a typepad and a blank list. He wasn’t sure what to do, so he typed “camera” on the first line and selected what he had written. Devin realized that he had turned the device into a camera. He was intrigued, so he typed “X-ray” into the second box and selected it. Amazingly, the device started taking detailed photos of the bones in his hands.

Later, while still testing the capabilities of the device (they were literally infinite), his sister Julienne walked into the room and demanded to know what was going on. He angrily told her that she’d find out by looking in her mail pile. She found her device and was immediately as captivated by it as Devin. Devin realized that for the moment, Julienne’s love of the device was overriding her hatred of him. For an instant, Devin had a glimmer of hope that maybe everything would work out in the end.

Devin and Julienne stayed up late to show their parents the devices. As expected, Julien and Thelma Rayburn were exhausted and angry that their kids weren’t in bed. What the kids didn’t expect was their parents’ reaction: snatching up all four devices and locking them away in the safe in their room.

A stunned Devin asked his father why he had done that, and Julien’s answer was surprising, yet somehow not. “Devin, I’m sorry, but something just doesn’t seem right. Your mother and I have a bad feeling about those devices. Now you and Julienne need to get to bed. It’s late.”

And just like that, Devin’s faint hopes of a normal life were extinguished. Things were back to the way they were before. Devin’s sister still blamed everything (including this) on him. Devin’s paranoid parents were still ruining his life. And Devin was still miserable.

Over the next four weeks that led up to the start of school, it was becoming more and more apparent that the devices were now a way of life in Turner Hills. Devin and Julienne persisted in trying to get the devices back, but to no avail.

By the first day of school, Devin had pretty much given up hope of convincing his parents to change their minds. They were adamant in their decision. At the Turner Hills School, Devin was starting 8th grade and Julienne was starting 10th. Julienne fit in well enough, but Devin had few friends. He was usually an introverted outcast who was tormented by other kids. Because he was already the only one who didn’t seem to have life easy, everyone knowing he didn’t have a device only made things worse. He walked through the hallway while some stared, others laughed, and many whispered. Devin had grown used to this treatment and didn’t react. As he scanned the crowd of the same hostile faces in a new grade, he saw Nick. The look on Nick’s face seemed to say, “I wish I could help.” Devin went over to Nick and told him that there was no way to help and that everything was fine. Neither of them believed that for a second.

Life went on as usual until one day in the middle of October. At about noon, when Devin was in school, all the devices suddenly deactivated. The citizens of Turner Hills had become so accustomed to the devices that people freaked out and society came to a standstill. A booming male voice announced that everyone needed to gather in the center of town right away. The first thing Devin saw when he Zapped over to Town Center was a large, mysterious building that had not been there before. It was a very plain, metal building with windows, a door, and a sign reading, “Leval-Shelay.” The voice announced that for the devices to be reactivated, everyone would have to crowd inside the building.

For some reason, Julienne went in too while Julien and Thelma chased after her, trying to get her out. Devin just stood outside the building staring at the Leval-Shelay sign. And then it happened- it was just for a moment, but his mind had rearranged the letters in Leval-Shelay to spell “Shale Valley.” Upon this realization, Devin knew that everyone was in extreme danger.

In History class, they had once had a lesson about a war that had taken place in ancient times. Long ago, Turner Hills and Shale Valley had been rival villages. After Shale Valley attempted to invade, a war broke out between them and Turner Hills. All anyone knows about what happened next is that Turner Hills won and that the people of Shale Valley were never seen again.

Devin ran into the building, yelling that Shale Valley had returned and that they were, in fact, far more technologically advanced than Turner Hills. He went on and on about how they had all been tricked and that they needed to get out of the building while they still could. To Devin’s frustration, no one seemed to be paying any attention. He kept on yelling, but then, with every single citizen of Turner Hills trapped inside, the doors slid shut.

Now it was apparent to everyone what had been happening. That Shale Valley had sent them the devices, and Turner Hills had played exactly into their hands. The voice announced to everyone what they had already figured out. “Shale Valley reigns supreme!”

The metal chamber started slowly moving out of the village until it reached a place in the middle of nowhere. “Welcome to the site of the new Shale Valley” the voice spoke. Devin, who was standing by a window, was one of the first to notice the giant hole in the ground that was just the right size for the prison chamber. The moving chamber reached the hole and started sinking into the ground. As the earth on the other side of the windows rose, the screams died down to stunned silence. Everyone felt guilty or responsible somehow.

Devin stood solemnly by the window, aware of the layers of earth on the other side. In the pitch black, he heard a voice calling his name. It was Julienne. She was begging for forgiveness. Devin coldly told her that sorry was just a word. It wasn’t just words that had led to this, and it was too late for words or anything to save them. In the darkness, he imagined the look on her face and hoped she’d understood. Then, just when things seemed to be at the bitter end, a thought occurred to Devin that brought a smile to his face and a twinkle to his brown eyes, even in the suffocating darkness. For the first time in as long as he could remember, he was equal to everyone else. Just another doomed prisoner.

Erica stared out the window as her ninth grade history teacher taught the lesson that Erica and most everyone else in her village knew by heart. As Mr. Selvin explained how Shale Valley had won the Great Battle, Erica knew she wasn’t going to learn anything she really wanted to know. Erica believed that there was much more to the story, if it was even true, than was taught in the schools of Shale Valley. Despite her skepticism, she had a feeling deep down that the answers were out there, and that she needed to find them.

Fun With Baseball Reference: Sox Hitters

2009-09-12T11:21:00.000-07:00

B-R is a great source for interesting* (and most likely, true) facts about baseball players. Without further ado, here are some things you may not have known about the Red Sox:

Jacoby Ellsbury: He's (usually) our leadoff hitter, so he might as well be first. Fun facts: his middle name is McCabe, some Yankees fans sponsor his page with the message "Almost as good as Brett Gardner.", and he was originally drafted by Tampa. WHAT? It's true- he was their 23rd round pick in '02, but didn't sign. And it worked out well- he went from 23rd round to 23rd overall (and his uniform # is 46, which is twice that. COINCIDENCE? Almost certainly.)
Dustin Pedroia: There aren't too many obscure facts on his page, except that his middle name is Luis. (I didn't know that)
Kevin Youkilis: Not much to be found here, either.
David Ortiz: Was a PTBNL in a trade between the Mariners and Twins in '96. One of his nicknames is apparently "Cookie Monster", and his full name is David Americo (Arias) Ortiz.
Jason Bay: He's been traded a lot, but I don't think that counts as an obscure fact. Middle name=Raymond.
J.D. Drew: Was once traded for Jason Marquis and Adam Wainwright. J.D. actually stands for David Jonathan.
Jason Varitek: Has been as high as 21st in AL MVP voting. Middle name Andrew. Batted 1.000 in 1997 (take that, Mauer!) in one plate appearence (never mind).
Victor Martinez: Middle name is Jesus, and he's from Ciudad Bolivar (A city named after Simon Bolivar, a historical figure that I started [but didn't finish] a school project on last year), Venezuela.
Mike Lowell: I don't feel like looking it up, but he might possibly be the most famous FIU alum. Was originally drafted by the Yankees and played in 8 games for them.

I didn't include any shortstops- perhaps that's a topic for a different post.....(maybe).....

*or not

"The Leval-Shelay Devices", Part 5

2009-08-30T06:07:00.000-07:00

(The fifth and final installment. Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4)

In History class, they had once had a lesson about a war that had taken place in ancient times. Long ago, Turner Hills and Shale Valley had been rival villages. After Shale Valley attempted to invade, a war broke out between them and Turner Hills. All anyone knows about what happened next is that Turner Hills won and that the people of Shale Valley were never seen again.

Devin ran into the building, yelling that Shale Valley had returned and that they were, in fact, far more technologically advanced than Turner Hills. He went on and on about how they had all been tricked and that they needed to get out of the building while they still could. To Devin’s frustration, no one seemed to be paying any attention. He kept on yelling, but then, with every single citizen of Turner Hills trapped inside, the doors slid shut.

Now it was apparent to everyone what had been happening. That Shale Valley had sent them the devices, and Turner Hills had played exactly into their hands. The voice announced to everyone what they had already figured out. “Shale Valley reigns supreme!”

The metal chamber started slowly moving out of the village until it reached a place in the middle of nowhere. “Welcome to the site of the new Shale Valley” the voice spoke. Devin, who was standing by a window, was one of the first to notice the giant hole in the ground that was just the right size for the prison chamber. The moving chamber reached the hole and started sinking into the ground. As the earth on the other side of the windows rose, the screams died down to stunned silence. Everyone felt guilty or responsible somehow.

Devin stood solemnly by the window, aware of the layers of earth on the other side. In the pitch black, he heard a voice calling his name. It was Julienne. She was begging for forgiveness. Devin coldly told her that sorry was just a word. It wasn’t just words that had led to this, and it was too late for words or anything to save them. In the darkness, he imagined the look on her face and hoped she’d understood. Then, just when things seemed to be at the bitter end, a thought occurred to Devin that brought a smile to his face and a twinkle to his brown eyes, even in the suffocating darkness. For the first time in as long as he could remember, he was equal to everyone else. Just another doomed prisoner.

Erica stared out the window as her ninth grade history teacher taught the lesson that Erica and most everyone else in her village knew by heart. As Mr. Selvin explained how Shale Valley had won the Great Battle, Erica knew she wasn’t going to learn anything she really wanted to know. Erica believed that there was much more to the story, if it was even true, than was taught in the schools of Shale Valley. Despite her skepticism, she had a feeling deep down that the answers were out there, and that she needed to find them.

Wishing Aaron Boone Well

2009-08-29T10:18:00.000-07:00

I don't hate Aaron Boone. Maybe it's because he played for my NL team, the Nats last year. But it's probably because I was just an innocent eight-year-old who didn't follow sports back in October of 2003. At the time, I wasn't even aware of what had happened. Now, I'm a die-hard Sox fan. I understand how heartbreaking that walkoff was to Red Sox Nation (Joffrey Lupul, anyone?), but nothing can give me the experience of having lived through it. (Though that also means that I'll never feel the full joy of those who were Sox fans in '04).

I've always felt that Boone was a guy who was in the right place at the right time (or wrong place, from the perspective of the Sox). Not a superstar, but just some player on the Yanks who made a name for himself in baseball history with his walk-off homer. And on the positive side, he helped make the '04 World Series win all the more sweeter. (Okay, that was bad grammar, but I don't have school until Monday. Cut me some slack.) Aaron Boone had no control over the events that led up to his home run, and anyone else (on either team) could have won the game. He was just a baseball player doing his job.

And now, despite many odds against him, he's coming back. He's been on a minor league rehab stint, and he'll join the Astros when rosters expand. Boone had open-heart surgery before the season because of a condition he had that had gotten to the point where it was too risky to not operate. His overcoming of obstacles should be an inspiration to us all. Walkoffs aside, he's a guy from a great baseball family whose love of the game keeps him coming back, and he's had a pretty decent career (with more to come, if all goes well). Red Sox fans, Yankees fans, Astros fans, and baseball fans and people in general should respect his determination. Love him or hate him, he's back. Again. Good luck, Aaron.

(MLB.com- Boone excited for return to big leagues)

Linky Goodness 8/29

2009-08-29T09:17:00.000-07:00

Do you think Pete Rose has suffered enough and should be reinstated? Or do you think he deserves more punishment and should be reinstated? (Deadspin)
It's official- Kazmir to the Angels. (MLB)
Remember Matt Joyce? You know, the guy the Rays traded for in the Edwin Jackson deal? Well, he had a big game, and is having a pretty good season. (MiLB)
I can't believe it took me so long to find this! (MLB)
And last, ever wonder about the commentary in sports video games? (Kotaku via Deadspin)

Okay, that's not much. But expect a post about an, ummm...., old friend sometime soon.

"The Leval-Shelay Devices", Part 4

2009-08-29T08:29:00.000-07:00

(Part 1, Part 2, Part 3)

Over the next four weeks that led up to the start of school, it was becoming more and more apparent that the devices were now a way of life in Turner Hills. Devin and Julienne persisted in trying to get the devices back, but to no avail.

By the first day of school, Devin had pretty much given up hope of convincing his parents to change their minds. They were adamant in their decision. At the Turner Hills School, Devin was starting 8th grade and Julienne was starting 10th. Julienne fit in well enough, but Devin had few friends. He was usually an introverted outcast who was tormented by other kids. Because he was already the only one who didn’t seem to have life easy, everyone knowing he didn’t have a device only made things worse. He walked through the hallway while some stared, others laughed, and many whispered. Devin had grown used to this treatment and didn’t react. As he scanned the crowd of the same hostile faces in a new grade, he saw Nick. The look on Nick’s face seemed to say, “I wish I could help.” Devin went over to Nick and told him that there was no way to help and that everything was fine. Neither of them believed that for a second.

Life went on as usual until one day in the middle of October. At about noon, when Devin was in school, all the devices suddenly deactivated. The citizens of Turner Hills had become so accustomed to the devices that people freaked out and society came to a standstill. A booming male voice announced that everyone needed to gather in the center of town right away. The first thing Devin saw when he Zapped over to Town Center was a large, mysterious building that had not been there before. It was a very plain, metal building with windows, a door, and a sign reading, “Leval-Shelay.” The voice announced that for the devices to be reactivated, everyone would have to crowd inside the building.

For some reason, Julienne went in too while Julien and Thelma chased after her, trying to get her out. Devin just stood outside the building staring at the Leval-Shelay sign. And then it happened- it was just for a moment, but his mind had rearranged the letters in Leval-Shelay to spell “Shale Valley.” Upon this realization, Devin knew that everyone was in extreme danger.

(Part 5 tomorrow)

"The Leval-Shelay Devices", Part 3

2009-08-28T10:20:00.000-07:00

(The third installment of the story. Part 1, Part 2.)

Devin pressed the features icon and what popped up was a typepad and a blank list. He wasn’t sure what to do, so he typed “camera” on the first line and selected what he had written. Devin realized that he had turned the device into a camera. He was intrigued, so he typed “X-ray” into the second box and selected it. Amazingly, the device started taking detailed photos of the bones in his hands.

Later, while still testing the capabilities of the device (they were literally infinite), his sister Julienne walked into the room and demanded to know what was going on. He angrily told her that she’d find out by looking in her mail pile. She found her device and was immediately as captivated by it as Devin. Devin realized that for the moment, Julienne’s love of the device was overriding her hatred of him. For an instant, Devin had a glimmer of hope that maybe everything would work out in the end.

Devin and Julienne stayed up late to show their parents the devices. As expected, Julien and Thelma Rayburn were exhausted and angry that their kids weren’t in bed. What the kids didn’t expect was their parents’ reaction: snatching up all four devices and locking them away in the safe in their room.

A stunned Devin asked his father why he had done that, and Julien’s answer was surprising, yet somehow not. “Devin, I’m sorry, but something just doesn’t seem right. Your mother and I have a bad feeling about those devices. Now you and Julienne need to get to bed. It’s late.”

And just like that, Devin’s faint hopes of a normal life were extinguished. Things were back to the way they were before. Devin’s sister still blamed everything (including this) on him. Devin’s paranoid parents were still ruining his life. And Devin was still miserable.

(part 4 tomorrow)

"The Leval-Shelay Devices", Part 2

2009-08-27T04:59:00.000-07:00

(The second installment of the science fiction story I wrote in 8th grade English class. Part 1 here)

Devin thought nothing of this message because in the very modern village of Turner Hills, pretty much anything was possible. Maybe except for Devin’s life being normal. However, the phrase would turn out to have significance. On the screen now were two icons. One was contacts and the other was features. Under contacts was a list of everyone in Turner Hills. Some names were in blue while others were grey. He scrolled down to his family and saw that only his name was blue. He (correctly) assumed that the people whose names were in blue had activated their devices. He looked through the list, found a friend’s name in blue, and selected it. The screened flashed the word “connecting…” for a few seconds, and then Devin saw the face of his friend Nick.

Nick was one of the few people who wasn’t a jerk to Devin, and greeted him with an excited, “What’s up, Dev?”

Devin answered with “Nothin’ much. Except for these things that came in the mail!”

“Yeah, I was gonna ask you if you got one, but you called me before I could call you. I guess everyone got one.”

“That’s what I kinda thought. So Nick, what do you think Leval-Shelay means?”

“I’m not sure. It’s probably just peoples’ last names. I’m gonna see what this thing can do. Bye, Dev.”

“Bye, Nick.”

Devin held the device in his hand with a feeling that it was something truly special that would change his and others’ lives forever. He just didn’t know how.

(part 3 tomorrow)

Linky Goodness 8/26

2009-08-26T09:13:00.000-07:00

If you're gonna paint a poodle, would it killya to paint it with the uniform of a team I don't completely despise? Gosh. (KSK)
A look into the future? (Peerless)
Red Sox minor leaguers Ryan Kalish, Luis Exposito, Dustin Richardson, and Chris Province are on the roster of the AFL (that's Arizona Fall League, not the Arena Fallen League) 's Mesa Solar Sox. (MLB)
I guess I'm too young to understand why everyone thinks this is so unbelievably terrible. I mean, it's a bit overboard, but I kinda like it. By which I mean I'd get it if it was really cheap, which it probably isn't. (Lids)
An ongoing look at the best Caps vanity plates. (Simply Sensational)
Obviously, Ted is proud that the Caps now are ranked as a Top-10 fanbase. At least in the opinion of some Wild blogger. (Ted's Take)
And lastly, I, as a Sox fan, am glad we don't need these anymore. (breakthecursecookie)

"The Leval-Shelay Devices", Part 1

2009-08-26T05:00:00.000-07:00

(OK, let's get this thing started off with a bang. In English class last year, we had an assignment where we wrote a sci-fi story. Naturally, I procrastinated until the weekend before it was due, but here it is. Though it's a short story, it's too long for one post, so I'll break it up into sections.)

It was the dog days of early August in Turner Hills, and Devin Rayburn had just Zapped home from the pool. He was still dripping wet because he hadn’t had a chance to dry off and change out of his hydrodynamic SwimSkin. He would have preferred to stay at the pool with some of his few friends longer, but unfortunately, it was his week to sort the mail.

Devin was the younger of Julien and Thelma Rayburn’s two children. To afford to live in the affluent, picturesque village of Turner Hills, Devin’s parents had to work long hours. They cared deeply for their children’s well-being, but weren’t able to be home enough to prove it. To their children, they came off as unloving and paranoid. They only had time to worry about whether their kids stayed out of trouble and did their chores.

Devin could have stayed at the pool if not for his parents’ insistence that the mail be sorted as soon as it arrives, which is always at 3 pm. When Devin saw the time, he had to run to one of the Zap public transport stations and teleport home. If Devin’s family hadn’t been so torn apart, his sister, who was already at home, could have sorted the mail. However, she was never willing to help Devin, and he was never willing to help her.

Her name was Julienne. Named for her father Julien, she always tried to make Devin feel bad. She’d tell him that she got most of their parents’ limited attention and that he was an unwanted burden who was to blame for their family’s struggles. It goes without saying that Devin tried to avoid her at all costs. So between his parents’ paranoid requirement that the mail get looked at as soon as it beams in so really urgent items could be found and his sister’s hatred of him, he had to hurry home to get the mail.

As he ran in the door, Devin heard the clock strike three and the buzz of the mail beaming in. He saw the mail appear on the kitchen table as always, but something was different. There were four small white boxes among the mail on the table. Each had a label reading “Leval-Shelay Enterprises” and was addressed to a different member of the Rayburn household. After Devin sorted the mail, careful not to get it wet, and changed into regular clothes, he opened the box addressed to “Mr. Devin Rayburn.” In it was a small metallic device with a screen. On the back were the words “Leval-Shelay Enterprises” and a fancy LS logo. Devin pressed the on button and a message appeared on the screen that read, “Free to the people of Turner Hills.” He pressed the icon that read “proceed” (because most devices had touchscreens now) and the next screen read “Anything is possible.”

(part 2 tomorrow)

Welcome to Chowdah Chatter!

2009-08-26T04:38:00.000-07:00

Welcome to my blog. There isn't exactly a subject, even though many of the posts will be about sports. Some of my favorite writings (most of which from school) will also be on here.

(update: apparently the timestamps are Pacific time. I'll see what I can do about that)
(2nd update: Another purpose is to improve my writing/blogging skills)